Your Grandma Will Get Over It: How to Break Wedding Traditions Without the Guilt

Congrats, you’re getting married! It’s not only a time for celebration, but a time for unsolicited opinions from every relative within a 50-mile radius. Suddenly, your wedding is everyone’s business—your mom has “always envisioned you in a ballgown,” your dad assumes there will be a father-daughter dance (even though you have two left feet), and Aunt Sue clutches her pearls when you mention not having a garter toss.

Here’s the deal: it’s your wedding, not a community project.

I work with couples who want to do things their own way—whether that means getting ready together, sneaking off for matching tattoos between the ceremony and reception, or walking down the aisle together instead of some outdated “giving away” nonsense. And if that sounds like you, I’m here to tell you that breaking tradition does not equal disappointing your family. It means creating a day that actually feels like you. Here’s how to do it without drowning in guilt.

1. Decide What Actually Matters to You

Before you start ripping up the rulebook, take a minute. What traditions feel meaningful, and which ones make you roll your eyes? Love the idea of cutting the cake? Keep it. Hate the thought of a first dance? Skip it. Your wedding should be a mix of what feels right, not a checklist of things you “have” to do.

Ask yourself: If no one else had an opinion, what would my wedding look like? Start there.

2. Reframe the Guilt (Because It’s Not Yours to Carry)

Guilt usually creeps in because we want to make the people we love happy. And that’s a beautiful thing. But let’s be real—compromising on what you want just to please someone else isn’t the flex you think it is.

Instead of thinking, I’m letting them down, shift it to: I’m inviting them into a new experience. If Grandma thinks it’s weird that you and your partner are walking down the aisle together, remind her that love evolves, and so do weddings—it doesn’t mean your marriage means less.

Keep the center of the conversation on what traditions you’re carrying on instead of what traditions you’re throwing straight out the window. Uncle Tim might think the entire world is crumbling around him when you mention that you’re under no circumstances doing the dollar dance, but you can bring him back to Earth by mentioning that you’re doing an anniversary dance instead.

3. Anticipate the Pushback—Then Stand Your Ground

Aunt Linda will have opinions. So will your mom’s best friend from high school. Expect it. Prepare for it. And when it comes? Keep your response simple:

➡ “We’ve put a lot of thought into this, and this is what feels right for us.”

No apologies. No justifications. Just facts.

You are not responsible for managing other people’s expectations, especially when it comes to your wedding day.

4. Don’t Accept Money With Conditions

Once upon a time, there was a bride who accepted money from her mother-in-law for her wedding. She knew it was the wrong choice to make, but she did it anyway. Twenty choices made that weren’t hers and forty unapproved invitees later, the stress was so much that she broke out in a rash and ended up calling off not just the wedding, but the whole engagement.

This is a true cautionary tale that happened to one of my brides in 2024. Don’t let this happen to you.

5. Give People a Role That Works for Them

A lot of wedding drama happens when people feel left out. If a family member is struggling with a tradition you’re ditching (cough your mom and the father-daughter dance cough), consider offering them another way to be involved.

Maybe your dad gets a first look instead of walking you down the aisle. Maybe your grandma gets your bouquet in lieu of the bouquet toss. Sometimes, a small gesture can go a long way in making everyone feel included—without sacrificing your vision.

6. Surround Yourself with Vendors Who Get You

Nothing kills a vibe faster than a vendor who treats your wedding like it’s just another job. Find vendors who actually support your choices—whether that’s wearing a black dress, having a beer boy instead of a flower girl, or skipping the big ceremony entirely.

When you book me, you’re getting someone who’s fully on board with your version of a wedding. I’ll be there to capture all the moments that actually matter to you—not just the ones that make it onto your parents’ mantle.

Final Thoughts? Grandma Will Get Over It.

At the end of the day, your wedding should be a reflection of you—not a performance for other people. The people who love you will adjust. And the people who don’t? Well…they’ll still show up for the cake (or lack thereof). 😉 Is it really such a loss if Great Aunt Tammy doesn’t show because she’s personally offended about having hors d’oeuvres instead of a buffet dinner?

Do your thing. Make your wedding yours. And if you need a photographer who’s 100% on board with that? You know where to find me. Let’s make some magic.